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Wanna Get Jacked!!!

November 13, 2009

arnold-schwarzenegger

The key to putting on muscle is finding your Growth Apex. To do this you need a way to determine when your body stops growing after a workout and begins to atrophy. For a cool and FREE way to do this incline bench press yourself inside.
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Hey, You Got Another Dude’s Name On Your Back!

September 17, 2009

jerseys

You can write a book about the unintentional homoeroticism in sports, but I’m not going to do that here. You can also write a book about heterosexual white men and their fascination with the myth of black male sexuality and how it applies to sports. This myth that their ancestors created to dehumanize black men is the same one they now harbor an envious contempt for.

“So what they have large penises and sleep with white women, they’re stupid and all they can do is dunk a basketball! Not to mention most of them are thugs anyway.”

It’s that infamous Black Buck stereotype that has straight white men almost salivating over Dwight Howard’s physique while they wonder what lies beneath. It starts out lovingly, but the minute Dwight does something untoward the hatred comes flying out. Like I said, you could write a book, but I won’t. I’ll just try to get it done with a few hundred words. Oh, and don’t let this race stuff bother you. Of course not all white guys think like this and not surprisingly some black men do. They too have fallen for the myth and may wonder why they do not possess what the universe is supposed to endow all black men with. Why do you think many young black men overcompensate? They have to add that layer of swagger to obscure matters. Yeah, I’m exposing this. What are you gonna do? Chop me up and feed me to the poor! Sorry, just watched The Departed. All right, enough meandering, just come inside already.
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Caster Semenya

September 17, 2009

caster

Semenya was recently placed on suicide watch after her test results were made public. Such a tragic story that didn’t have to be. Let me tackle this real quick.

First off, gender is tenuous at best. Secondly, the spotlight doesn’t erase emotional fragility, but yet we think it’s okay to just tear into people who choose to work under it. Many of us fear such scrutiny and as a result we lash out against those who subject themselves to it in order to justify our own fears. In pop-culture such people are called “haters.” Rather apropos when you think about it.

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Aberrant Behavior

September 17, 2009

We are bored out of our minds most of the time so it is no wonder why we are drawn to stories like this. We all chime in with our two cents hypocritically acting like we’ve never had similar outbursts and not realizing that all of this self-righteuous weighing-in does nothing to explain why such events occur in the first place. Up until this point Serena had done nothing of the sort. Why can’t we just say tsk tsk, levy a fine, maybe a punishment and move the hell on?

The media loves this stuff because they think we love this stuff. Do we? It’s really a matter of what came first—the chicken (aberrant behavior) or the egg (sensationalizing such behavior). If I go fifty years without harming a soul and then on a random Tuesday I murder someone I may get locked up for the rest of my life. Why? Come on inside for more. Sorry to deviate from sports, but really it all fits under the same umbrella.
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Super Cells

September 11, 2009

michael-jordan-by-slashfilmdotcom

When Michael Jordan retired the sports cognoscenti clamored to find his replacement. Kobe Bryant quickly rose to the top. Then a few years later came Dwyane Wade and LeBron James.
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Here Come Those Damn Rowdy Friends Again.

September 10, 2009

Football season starts tonight so I developed this little logic game for all of you aspiring coaches out there:

Let’s say you’re up 3 points and on you’re on your opponent’s 25 yard line with a couple minutes left. It is first down. The ball is hiked. It is pitched to the running back who rumbles down the field for 11 yards. It is now 1st and 10 on the 14. But wait, there was a defensive off-sides penalty. If you accept it you go back to the 20 yard line with 5 yards to go for the first. Why don’t many coaches take that over the 1st and 10 on the 14? Think about it, then come inside.
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From Some to One

September 10, 2009

18.8

The above number is Kobe Bryant’s career regular season scoring average. Every single point Kobe has ever scored in his twelve year career is represented here. That is 948 games parsed down to one number. Every game winning shot, free throw and monster dunk is there.

Just think about that for a moment when you look in the mirror. That widow’s peak you blame on your father—not his fault. It’s not even his father’s fault or even his father’s father’s fault. As I’ve already established over at Tricky Relativity, it’s this tricky cat‘s fault. To put it simply: you are the average of infinity.

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